The Sacrifice
by Drifting soul
Summary: Aaron/Jackson. After the crash, Aaron falls into deep despair and would do anything to save Jackson's life. Even if it means sacrificing his own happiness forever...
1. Prologue

_I know my dreams are made of you_

_Of you and only for you_

_Your ocean pulls me under_

_Your voice tears me asunder_

_Love me before the last petal falls_

_(From 'Beauty and the Beast' by Nightwish)_

Prologue

In the darkest hour of the night, the still, silent Dales were suddenly disturbed by a fierce wind. It tore through the fields and pulled autumn leaves from the trees, sending them flying and spinning all around. Even so, no one in the village of Emmerdale was even aware, for they were all long since asleep. Not even the church bell sounded at this time of night.

If anyone had looked to the distant hill, they would have seen the silhouette of a lone figure moving through the darkness. They would have seen a black, ghostlike shape moving diligently onwards despite the viscous wind and cold. The figure didn't trip or stumble in the wild overgrown field, he moved as if he had trodden the path a hundred times before.

He reached the end of the field. Over the stone wall. Onto the road. His footsteps echoed through the empty village, heard by no one. The wind still beat upon him, as if warning him to stay away. But he refused to listen.

Finally, he stopped outside one of the houses built from ancient stone. The cruel wind whipped his long hair across his face as he gazed upwards, his eyes fixed on the second floor window. Even in the darkness with the curtains drawn across, he knew what lay in the room on the other side of the glass. Someone he knew very well was there. A young man who was in deep despair. No doubt he was the only person in the village still awake, kept from sleep by the torturous thoughts in his head. Did the night feel long to him, he wandered. Did the dark, lonely hours pass slowly?

Though he saw no movement, he continued to look on. His own insides were being torn apart by pain too. He deeply wished that he could help the young man, sit beside him and stay with him until he was happy again. But even if were possible to be near him, he couldn't take away his pain. It didn't matter what words were said to him or how many people tried to support him. If nothing changed, he would suffer for the rest of his life in this lonely torment. The presence of death would haunt him forever, hanging over him like a shadow that he could never escape from.

But even so, there was a tiny ray of hope that the young man wasn't aware of. If it was what he truly desired, then he could change everything. He could prevent the death that threatened to cling to his soul.

As he stood in the biting cold, the lonesome figure hung his head and clutched at his chest. The pain in his own heart was becoming unbearable. He knew that it was horrifically selfish of him to even have this thought, but he secretly hoped that this wish would never be granted. For the only thing that could save that young man from his despair would also be the end of him.

AN - Due to real life constantly getting in the way, updates on this fic may be a little slow. But I'll do my best.


	2. Chapter 1

_My fall will be for you_

_My love will be in you_

_If you'll be the one to cut me_

_So hard, I'll bleed forever_

_(From 'Ghost Love Score' by Nightwish)_

Chapter 1

It was quiet. Everything felt so strange. When he tried to open his eyes, all he could see was blood red. It didn't feel like a dream, nor did it feel like reality. He thought that he should be in pain, but he didn't feel any. Not even a little.

He heard something close by and tried to focus on it. It was cries of anguish. Someone was there beside him. He couldn't see him, couldn't tell who he was, but he could hear him crying. He was crying so hard. Had he caused this person such great sadness? He felt an overpowering urge to reach out a hand to that person, wipe the tears away from his face and tell him that everything was alright. But his body wouldn't move. He wanted so badly to comfort that person, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't reach him.

* * *

Paddy had been staring cautiously at the closed door of Aaron's room for a while now. He was already late opening the surgery, but this was much more urgent. The door had remained closed all morning and not a sound had come from the room.

Every day, his worry for Aaron was increasing. At first it had been hard to convince him to come home from the hospital and rest. But when he did, he had heard muffled cries coming from his room. A few nights ago they had finally stopped, but now every morning his eyes were bloodshot, his speech was slow and his whole body seemed completely drained. He hadn't been back to the hospital in days, just went to work, came back and locked himself away in his room again. Not eating, not sleeping, just sinking into despair.

Deciding it was now or never, Paddy knocked gently on the door, afraid of what state he was going to find him in this time.

"Aaron?" He said quietly, but was met with silence. Swallowing his nerves, he inched the door open and peered inside.

The room was cold and the curtains were still drawn. In the dim morning light he saw Aaron lying on the bed, deep in sleep. His first thought was relief that he was finally sleeping, but the worry soon returned. He was still wearing the clothes he'd had on the day before, meaning he'd only gotten to this point by staying awake until he passed out from exhaustion.

He moved into the room as quietly as he could to get a spare blanket from the cupboard, afraid that the slightest noise would disturb Aaron from his much needed sleep. It saddened him that he'd been sleeping so soundly while Aaron had been suffering all alone. He was supposed to be Aaron's father, he'd sworn that he would watch over him. Right now he was doing a terrible job of it.

Taking great care not to wake him, he covered Aaron's sleeping body with the blanket. He didn't move, just continued breathing deeply. How long would he stay asleep, Paddy wandered, and would he feel any better when he woke up? As he left the room, he hoped that Aaron would stay asleep for as long as possible, because at least in exhausted dreamless sleep, he was safe from everything that tormented him.

* * *

Sleep hadn't done anything. When he had woken, finding it was already past noon, all he'd wanted to do was crawl back under the blanket, go back to sleep and ignore the rest of the world for a little while longer. But he'd already wasted too many hours with sleep. There was a strange feeling stirring inside him that he should be doing something, but he couldn't figure out what it was. There was no point in going to the hospital anymore. Jackson didn't need him. He was no good there. All of this was his fault, and his being there would just make it worse.

So he had decided to go to the garage and make up for the work he had missed. That was all he was good for right now.

The walk through the village was hell. Everywhere there were people asking him about Jackson. Was he ok? Was there anymore news? How was he coping with it all? Each question was another knife in his heart. He kept on walking, ignoring them all, wishing they would all disappear and leave him alone. But at the same time, he wanted to be punished more.

"Aaron!" A familiar voice broke through his thoughts and snapped him out of the stupor he hadn't realised he'd been in. It was Adam, running towards him with the same concerned look that everyone else had. He realised he hadn't seen him for quite a while and couldn't even recall the last conversation they'd had.

"Aaron, I'm glad I caught you. It's good to see you." Adam said when he reached him, out of breath.

"Yeah, you too." Aaron replied. Because despite everything, it was good to see his friend again.

"Are you ok? How is Jackson doing?"

There it was again, the knife in his heart. He knew Adam was just trying to help but he was no different than the others, he didn't realise that he was hurting him.

"I'm late for work," he mumbled, heading quickly towards the garage.

"Now? I'm sure Cain isn't that much of a heartless bastard."

"I have to work, don't I?" He said, not looking at Adam, though he could hear him following close behind.

"Worry about all that later. Just go to the hospital."

He stopped abruptly and turned sharply to face Adam.

"Why does everyone want me to go to that damned hospital?" He shouted, the anger boiling over, "I did this to Jackson, everyone should be hating me, not giving me sympathy. How stupid are you all? Can't you put two and two together and see it was all my fault? I'm the one who caused this, why are you acting like I can solve it too?"

A long silence stretched between them. Tears had formed in his eyes without him realising. He wiped them away, clearing his vision and saw that Adam was still standing in front of him. Even after everything he had said, he was still there.

"You think it will be better if everyone hates you?" He said.

"Well maybe there's a good reason for that." Aaron scoffed, looking away again.

"Do you think this is what Jackson would want you to do?"

"Staying away is the best thing I can do for him. It's not like I can heal him or anything."

"No one expects you to be a miracle worker. Just being there for him is enough." Adam said, pleading with him. Desperate to change his mind.

"How? He doesn't even know I'm there."

"It'll help more than you think. Besides, you want to see him too, don't you?"

Those words chased out any other thoughts he had. Of course he wanted to see Jackson, he wanted that more than anything. But at a time like this, he couldn't just think about what he wanted.

"I-I can't. They don't…want me there…" He said quietly, afraid his voice would betray his emotions for a second time.

"Don't worry about anything else." Adam said, placing a comforting hand on Aaron's shoulder, "If you want to see him, then go to him. Just be with him while you can." They looked at each other, but didn't smile. Both of them knew what he had really meant by that last sentence.

"Alright." Aaron said. "I'll go."

"I can go with you, if you want." Adam offered.

"Nah, I'll be fine." He said as he turned to head towards the bus stop. "Trust me, you don't want to put up with…"

He stopped abruptly and stared across the road at the stone wall which separated the village from the open countryside. For the briefest of moments, out the corner of his eye, he thought he'd seen someone standing there, looking directly at him with an intense, fixed gaze.

But when he'd looked closely, he saw that the spot was completely empty. He glanced around but there was no one anywhere near it.

"What's wrong?" Adam said, obviously puzzled by his strange behaviour.

"Nothing," he said, looking away and rubbing his head. "I must've lost more sleep than I thought."

So now on top of everything else, he was seeing things that weren't there. Was he subconsciously hoping that some angel would come down from heaven and make everything better again?

"See you later," he said, turning to Adam one last time before he walked away. Adam waved him off, then watched him leave. He knew his friend was still worried about him, but he didn't want to trouble him anymore than he had already. He didn't deserve to be dragged into this mess.

As he walked, he found himself looking upwards to the sky. It was perfectly clear and blue, as if there wasn't anything wrong anywhere in the world. But still, it was just the same old sky.

No angels from heaven ever came to this village.

* * *

When he stood in front of the hospital, he wished that he had asked Adam or Paddy to come with him. He was frozen with fear. Fear of what Jerry would say to him. Fear of all the bad things that could happen in there. Fear even to look at Jackson, knowing he had condemned him to this fate.

If Paddy had been there, he could've drawn some strength from him, at least enough to keep walking forward. On his own, he didn't even have the strength to do that. He wanted to turn and run away and never look back again. That's what he had been doing so far. Maybe there was a reason that all he had strength for was running.

He thought of everything Adam had said to him. It had made him realise that he did want to see Jackson again, even if it was just one last time. Not being with him, especially now, was breaking his heart. It hurt more than anything he'd ever felt before. That thought finally set his feet in motion.

Nothing stopped him. No more bad thoughts distracted him. This was all because Jackson was so important to him, and he had to be strong for him if he wanted him to survive.

He kept going until he was stood outside the room. He'd made it. He'd overcome his fear. Jackson was right in front of him.

But in an instant, his strength left him again. Jerry was there. The fear was taking him over again, and there was no one there to help him. He didn't know whether to grant Jerry's wishes and leave, or to just walk straight into the room and face him. In the end, all he did was stand there like a moron as Jerry approached him. The look in his eyes was like poison.

"You just keep coming back here." Jerry said, his voice thick with hatred.

"Yeah." Aaron mumbled, unable to say anything else. He wished that he could be brave for Jackson's sake, but he felt like a small child being told off.

"You give me a big speech about why I should let you come back, then you don't even show up? And you still make me out to be the bad one here?"

"I'm sorry. I-I just…want to see him…" he said, knowing how feeble he sounded.

"You think I'll allow something like that?" Jerry roared at him, making him tremble. "I never thought my son was stupid before, but of all the people he could have chosen, he went for you? What could anyone possibly love about you?"

"That's enough!" A sharp voice shattered the heavy atmosphere. Both men turned to see Hazel, filled with anger that was directed at Jerry. "What gives you the right to say that to him? And especially in front of Jackson."

"You're taking his side?" Jerry snarled at her. "He doesn't even show up."

"Well you're one to talk, aren't you? At least he has a real reason for staying away from Jackson."

Jerry's fists clenched as he fell silent, his words dried up and his fury suppressed. Even he was no match for Hazel when she was like this. Aaron felt relieved. He was glad to have this unstoppable juggernaut on his side.

"Go on in, love," she said to Aaron, switching instantly to her kind voice again, "take as much time as you need." She smiled at him, but it was a smile that hid her sadness. She had remained so strong, but did that just make things harder for her?

He watched her drag Jerry away, saw the last glare that he cast at him. She was the same as the others, he wished that she would stop giving him so much undeserved sympathy. Why didn't she scream at him, hit him, say what she really thought of him? He could tell that she really wanted to. It was there in her eyes whenever she tried to be kind to him.

His attention turned back to the room in front of him. For the first time in days, he was alone with Jackson.

Slowly, he walked the last few feet to Jackson's side. With every step, the invisible weight hanging on his heart grew heavier. He could see his face clearly now, beautiful but scarred. It filled him with such great affection, and such great sadness.

He'd made it past all the obstacles. He was with Jackson, where he wanted to be. But now he was wandering why he had wanted to come. Seeing him like this - His body just a shell being kept alive by machines, it was more heartbreaking than he could have imagined.

Slowly, cautiously, he reached out and took hold of Jackson's hand, gripping it tightly as if he were trying to save him from falling. Could he feel him from within his dreams, even just a little?

Memories of the few short months they'd spent together kept coming back to him. They seemed another lifetime ago now. Nothing but dreams. He kept wishing that all of this was a dream and it was still summer. But denying something didn't stop it from being true.

The touch of Jackson's hand was warming him from the autumn cold. Aaron suddenly worried that he was stealing the heat from his body and pulled away. Jackson's hand fell limply onto the bed. He was still.

The whole world seemed so quiet, and they seemed so utterly alone. Aaron sat in silence, just staring, and felt an immense guilt. Why did he feel this way, like he should be doing something to bring Jackson back from the brink of death? What could he do?

Hazel seemed so certain that everything would be ok. She kept talking about stories of people falling down elevator shafts without getting a scratch on them. She forgot that there were other stories of people dying from the slightest little thing. His own grandfather had drowned in barely an inch of water.

The doctors said that all they could do now was wait and see if his condition improved. But nothing had changed. He only had a slither of life left, and he could barely hold onto that. Nobody said it out loud but they didn't need to, the truth was clear.

He was going to die.

* * *

The rest of the village was sleeping quietly by the time he arrived back at the house. The house seemed so lonely when it was dark and still like this. There was no one there to welcome him home.

He made his way to his room quietly so he wouldn't wake anyone. He didn't bother to turn on the light, just sat on his bed in the dark, staring at the floor, unmoving. He didn't feel tired, nor did he feel alert. Things like time and sleep had stopped being important. It was like his whole being had stopped, with just the constant thought of Jackson's life force slipping away.

After a while, he glanced at the drawer beside his bed. Something was in there that he hadn't thought of for a while, but just now it had somehow come back to his mind again.

He rummaged through the mess until his fingers touched upon something smooth and cold. He latched his fingers around it and drew it out. A small slither of moonlight crept through the gap in he curtains and gleamed against the small object in his hand. Clyde's dog tag.

It was the one thing he had kept when his pet had died, but he'd immediately shut it away in the drawer and ignored it. He ran his fingers across the small carved letters. On one side was Clyde's name, on the other his own name and address, in case Clyde had ever gotten lost.

"Hey boy," he said out loud, "I never really just talked to you, did I? Well I wish I could talk to you now. I feel like there's so many things I want to say to you, but I left it too late."

He fell silent again, wandering if he was going mad. He knew he was speaking to no one, but it didn't matter. These were words he had to say.

"I could really use you around right now. You were the only one who always forgave, no matter what I did. I just kept doing worse and worse things, and now…" He stopped as a lump formed in his throat and the tears returned. "I don't deserve forgiveness anymore."

"I…I don't know what to do anymore. Running away didn't work. Trying to kill myself didn't work. So…So what am I supposed to do now?" He gripped the tag tightly as the grief became too much. His face was soaked with tears.

* * *

Outside in the autumn cold, the lone figure was there again. Though he wasn't in the room, he could sense Aaron's words and the thoughts that haunted him and refused to stop.

Aaron didn't realise it, but he was close now to saying the words which would change everything. The figure begged for Aaron not to say them and condemn himself to even worse torment. But he could beg all he wanted and it would still be worthless, for his own desire counted for nothing.

* * *

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." Aaron wept uncontrollably, "I was supposed to look after you but I just put you in danger, and I got you killed. Now I've done the same thing to Jackson. He…he's going to die. I know he is. I killed him too." The tears stung his eyes as he clutched the tag closely to his chest.

"I'd give anything for him to live. I…I wish that he and I had never met. I wish he could go back to his old life, and forget that I ever existed."

He couldn't speak anymore. All he could do was sit there and cry and cry, until the tag was wet with his tears.

He was never aware of the person outside his window, crying with as much anguish and sorrow as he was. His soul had also been crushed, for his greatest fear had come to pass. The wish had been made.

* * *

As the world was sleeping, he walked through the empty corridors of the hospital, silent as a gust of wind. It was very dark, but he didn't need light to see. He stopped outside the room where a young man lay, unconscious and close to death. This young man's body had taken a lot of damage, and the small amount of life left in him was rapidly fading away.

As the lonesome figure approached the young man, every part of his being screamed at him to stop. He had been hoping and praying that he wouldn't be here, about to do the unthinkable - To take away the thing that was most precious to this man and the one he loved.

It was so cruel of him to feel this way, even if it did save the man's life. But it didn't matter how strong his will was, he couldn't disobey the wish.

He leaned forward until his face was close to Jackson's. Gently, carefully, he placed his palm on his forehead.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered before a dazzling white light erupted from his hand. In an instant, Jackson's body was brimming with life once again.

* * *

He felt something strange. Something unlike he'd ever felt before. It didn't hurt, yet it felt like something had just been torn straight from him. His eyes opened ever so slightly. The blood red world was now lit by a brilliant bright light.

He could see the shape of someone close to him, leaning over him. He tried as hard as he could to focus on that person and find out who it was. But the light was fading now. He could just about make out that it was a man with long hair.

The strange new feeling was overwhelming him, making him feel tired again. He was afraid to go to sleep, he didn't know if he would ever wake up again. He tried to hold on, but he wasn't quite strong enough. As he slipped away again, he thought he could see tears glistening in the man's eyes.

* * *

AN - Sorry for the long delay in updating this fic. This chapter ended up being waaaay longer than I anticipated. Hope you liked it all the same, and that it didn't dampen your Christmas too much.

I'm on holiday until near the end of January, so I promise I'll beat out another chapter or two in that time.


	3. Chapter 2

Author's note - So my promise about writing several chapters during the Christmas break ended up being a total lie and it ended up being a whole 4 months. I'm really really sorry. As usual, it was real life getting in the way. I'm sure you understand that I still need to earn money so I can eat. I will continue to write this story, no matter how long it takes. I'm just worried that by the time I end it, no one will care about Aaron and Jackson anymore!

Anyway, here's chapter 2 (get some tissues, it's sad).

Chapter 2

It felt like waking up from a very long sleep, when you know that you've been asleep for far too long yet can't find the energy to get yourself up. He never had been good at getting up in the morning.

Little by little, his consciousness returned to him and it felt like he was returning to where he was supposed to be. But there was something missing, something he was leaving behind in that endless dark void.

There was a light. A very bright light that hurt his eyes. It was driving away the darkness. No, he couldn't leave without that missing part of him. Somehow he knew it was something very important to him that he could never let go of. The harder he tried to hold onto it, the more it slipped away.

He felt so tired, like his body had been drained of all it's energy. Yet somehow, his eyes were opening.

Whatever it was, it was gone now. Nothing but a forgotten dream.

Everything was blurry and unfamiliar. This wasn't his room. Why was he here? Why did his body feel so strange?

He tried to think back, but even his memories were a confused mess. All he remembered was being at a bar and then under a night sky. He pressed and pressed his memory but nothing more came to him.

He became aware of voices close by, faint at first then growing louder until they near made him deaf. They were arguing. And yet it was familiar, and it made him feel calm again. Now fully awake, his eyes were able to focus properly. He could see her clearly, standing there beside him.

"Mum?"

* * *

They had been in the middle of a heated argument, and yet the small, quiet voice struck them both into silence. At first she wondered if she was hallucinating from lack of sleep. But as she turned, she saw, clear as day, Jackson was staring straight up at her. He looked weary and confused, but he was most definitely awake.

"Jackson?" She said, in an effort to convince herself that what she was seeing was real. She had tried to remain optimistic, but really she had felt in her heart that her son wasn't going to pull through.

"Jerry, the doctor. Go and get the doctor." She said to him, their argument from a few moments ago already completely forgotten.

"Uh…R-Right." Jerry stammered, seemingly just as surprised as she was, and hurried out the room.

"Jackson sweetheart, it's all right, you're in a hospital. There was an accident but you're going to be fine," She said taking a firm grip on his hand, unable to stop her tears. "Aaron is fine too. He wasn't hurt. I'll call him and he'll be here soon. He'll be so happy to see you."

"W-who?" Jackson said, "Who is Aaron?"

All at once, her heart was filled with fear again. She stared into Jackson's sleepy, disoriented eyes, unable to believe what she had just heard. Of all the things that could have happened, the horrible scenarios that had run through her head, she had never imagined this.

"Ms Rhodes?" A voice came from behind her, interrupting her thoughts. A whole team of doctors were filing into the room. "I'm afraid we need to perform some tests on your son. You can see him again in a little while."

"Y-yes." She said. "I'll be back soon." She smiled at Jackson and squeezed his hand before she reluctantly left the room. A kind nurse led her to the family room and sensing her distress, reassured her that things were looking up.

It was true, she realised. Yesterday she had been expecting the worst, and today Jackson had opened his eyes and spoken to her.

It would be alright, she told herself over and over again. They would find out what was wrong. He had just woken up from a coma, he was probably not all together yet. It was probably nothing. How could Jackson possibly forget about Aaron?

* * *

The instant his phone rang, Aaron's blood turned to ice. Was this the call to finally tell him the inevitable news? He shoved it away into the bedside drawer, afraid to face the horrifying truth.

He tried to walk away and ignore it, but just as he reached the door, he stopped. He felt something strange, like an invisible thread around his heart tugging him back. The sound of the blaring ringtone filled the room. The door was still open before him, inviting him to escape. The ringing was going to stop soon. He darted to the drawer, answering the call just in time.

"Aaron! Jackson is awake!"

It was like the world had stopped spinning. This had to be a dream. He couldn't have just heard those words, could he?

"W-what?" He mumbled, unable to latch onto a coherent thought.

"Jackson woke up!" Hazel was practically screaming down the phone, "He opened his eyes. He-"

"I'll be right there." Aaron cut her off and hung up. Usually that would be considered rude, but he didn't have time for manners right now. He grabbed the keys to the car that Cain had lent him and was on the road in less than 30 seconds.

With just a few words, his soul had been revived again. It had seemed like nothing would ever bring him back from the gloom and misery he'd been stuck in.

Hope was returning to his heart once again, hope he had thought he would never feel again. The drive to the hospital seemed far too long. He was desperate to get there. The horror of the last few weeks, was it all over now? Was everything really going to be alright?

All at once, the cheerful optimism faded and his hope was replaced with dread. Something could still be wrong. After such a huge accident, there was no way he could come out of it without some lasting damage, wasn't there?

He remembered the horrible fight they'd had on the night that it happened. All the things they'd said to each other, the bitterness and anger all spilling out at once. For Aaron, weeks had passed since then but for Jackson, the memories might still be fresh. They couldn't just pretend that conversation never happened, they'd both bared their souls to each other that night.

Whether Jackson came through unscratched or not, their relationship couldn't just go back to the way it used to be. Maybe it was already beyond repair.

He reached the hospital, and once again he just stood staring outside the doors, oblivious to the rain that was starting to fall. Just like all the other times, his body didn't know whether to move forwards or turn and run. His head was swarming with questions - What was he supposed to say to Jackson? Would he ever forgive him? Even if he did apologise, would it be enough? Did he even have a right to be there after all that he had done to him?

But this time was different. This time he was only stood there for a short time before he moved forward again. Because he realised that none of that stuff mattered.

He had to see Jackson, look into his eyes and hold his hand. Just know that he was alive. He would apologise as many times as he needed. He would do whatever he could to make things alright again. Nothing else mattered right now, just as long as Jackson was alive.

His feet led him automatically down the familiar corridors, and he soon found Hazel waiting for him. The look in her eyes wasn't the hopeful optimism that he had been expecting or the excitement he had heard over the phone. She looked as if she was waiting to give him bad news.

"H-How?" He murmured, his heart filled with anxiety.

"He's alright. I think." she replied, "They're doing tests now, we have to wait until they're done."

"They're taking long enough." Jerry chided behind her, but Hazel ignored him.

"His eyes were open and he…" She trailed off. For some reason she was avoiding looking Aaron in the eye. "He spoke to me. Just a little. But it's still a good sign." She said with a forced smile.

"Are you sure?" Aaron responded, "You…Don't seem awfully happy."

"No, I'm fine really. I just wish they'd hurry up so I can see him again. All these weeks and when my son finally wakes up, they kick me out!"

Aaron knew by now that she was the type of person to put on a brave face and make the best out of any situation. But he also knew that something was severely wrong with her. There was something she was hiding from him.

* * *

They sat in silence for a long time, just like they'd done when Jackson had first been admitted. It was hard to determine which time was worse. Back then they knew they were going to hear bad news. This time they didn't know what they were going to hear.

Minutes and hours passed without their noticing. They barely heard the rain on the window getting louder and heavier. The atmosphere was hanging so heavily over them, it was practically choking.

Just when it seemed like they would be waiting there forever, a doctor came into the room. Aaron's heart tightened. He could sense that Hazel and Jerry were just as anxious. It was the worst moment of all.

"I'm sorry we took so long." The doctor said, "We've run a number of tests, and although it's still early days, everything is looking good so far."

"You're saying he's going to recover?" Jerry said.

"Well I can't make any promises, but it looks fairly likely. To be honest, we were very worried about the injury to his neck, but even that has started to show signs of healing."

For the first time in such a long time, Aaron smiled. He had thought that he'd never be happy ever again. It was like one miracle was happening after another.

He glanced at Hazel, hoping to see her smiling and happy once again. But to his surprise, she hadn't changed. She was still staring at the floor with a look of anxiety. This was the news they'd all been waiting for, so what could possibly be making her sad?

"Can we see him now?" Jerry asked.

"Yes, but he'll be disoriented for a while. I'll leave you all alone." The Doctor said before turning to leave.

"Doctor," Hazel said, stopping him, "Was there any injury to his brain?"

"We'll have to run further tests, but judging just be observation, there doesn't seem to be any major damage."

"Well…When I talked to him earlier, he recognised me, but…" She glanced at Aaron and just as quickly looked away again, as if she was afraid to look at him. "He seemed to have some memory loss."

Aaron's heart knotted. His fears were coming true. After such a brief moment of happiness, his hope had been shattered again.

"Yes, we did find that he's suffering some short term memory loss of the events leading up to his accident, but that's perfectly normal for cases like this. It's nothing to worry about." The doctor smiled one last time then left the room.

"Memory loss? What are you talking about?" Jerry said once the doctor had left.

Nervously, Hazel looked at Aaron. His whole body was infused with an icy cold fear.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before love." She said.

"Tell me what?" Aaron replied, his body and his voice shaking.

"When he woke up, I told him that I was going to call you. And he-" She began to sob, "He didn't remember who you are."

It was like the world had come crashing down on him once again. His heart felt like it was on fire. It couldn't be true. He had been so happy, everything was going to be alright again. He hadn't just heard those words.

"How…How is that…"

And then he remembered - The things he'd said last night. 'I wish that he and I had never met. I wish he could go back to his old life, and forget that I ever existed.'

But that had been nothing. He'd just been talking to his dead dog who couldn't even hear him. Things like wishes didn't exist in real life, only in stories.

Even so, Jackson had woken up when he was should have died. They said he was fine, that his broken neck was healing. There was no way he could just get better overnight, unless there was something else involved.

So much had happened between them in the past few months. They'd been going out, they had lived together and he'd been with him on the night of the accident. All that, and Jackson's memories had still vanished without a trace.

So that was it. He didn't know how or why, but the wish he'd made had been granted.

"But it's ok!" Hazel regained her composure and returned to her façade of optimism. "The Doctor said it'll pass. Come on, let's go see him."

"No." Aaron said quietly.

"I'm sure if you go in there he'll remember you straight away."

"No!" Aaron cried out, shocking them both with his outburst. "Don't you see? This is the way things are supposed to be. It's much better that he doesn't remember me."

"Don't you say that!" Hazel angrily countered him.

"But it's true and you know it." He said, tears spilling from his eyes and running freely down his face. They stared at him, speechless. Probably unable to believe that he was really saying all this.

"You've been blaming me this whole time, but that's ok. Because it is all my fault. Jackson was living a perfectly good life before I came along and screwed it all up. But now it's ok again. He can go back to his old life and it'll be like me and him never met."

The room fell silent again for a few moments, except for the rain which was now beating heavily against the window.

"You don't honestly believe that, do you?" Hazel finally said, her voice shaking as she desperately tried to find a way to turn him around. But she knew he was just too stubborn for that.

"It's alright, you don't have to go on pretending anymore." He smiled sadly at the two of them and headed for the door. "Just do me one favour. Please, for Jackson's sake, don't mention me to him ever again."

Before Hazel could say anything, he was gone, running the familiar route to Jackson's room.

He came to a standstill as he approached the final corridor. Once again he felt the terror that filled his entire body like a poison, the one he felt every time he approached this room.

He could still turn and walk straight out the hospital, save himself the pain. But he knew in his heart that he would eventually regret it. Expelling all his thoughts of fear, his feet carried him the final few paces to the window that looked into the room.

Doctors were surrounding him. He was lying still, the oxygen mask still on his face and the wires still attached to him. But his eyes were open. One of the doctors asked him a question and he responded. It seemed hard for him even to say a few words but his mouth twisted up into a smile. The sight of it made Aaron's heart near explode. It wasn't a dream or an illusion. He really was alive. But then reality hit him again, and the ecstasy was overtaken by a deep, drowning sorrow.

By some miracle Jackson had been saved, and now every single memory that they'd made together had left him, never to return. He would never know how they'd first met, how he'd helped Aaron to accept himself. He wouldn't remember that first night they'd spent together or any of the times when they'd felt so blissfully happy. He would never know how much his life had been changed, or that he had fallen in love.

The tears wouldn't stop. It hadn't hit him until that moment just how much Jackson had done, all for a stupid, worthless kid like him. He could have easily ignored him, given up on him like everyone else had done before. All he had done in return was hurt him, yet Jackson had still said that he loved him.

At that moment, he was hit by the strongest realisation he'd ever had. It was so powerful that he stumbled backwards into the wall behind him. The rest of the world vanished around him, leaving him with one solitary thought. Jackson was the most important thing in the world to him. He wanted to be by his side forever.

He was in love with him.

The tears stung his eyes. The pain overwhelmed him. How could he have been so blind and stupid to not realise until now? Like a coward, he'd ignored his true feelings, run away whenever they threatened to surface. He'd finally found the love that he had been searching for all his life, and it turned out to be more painful than anything he'd felt before. Was this how Jackson had felt all those times he had rejected his feelings?

It didn't matter now, he thought as he got back up and wiped his tears away. Jackson no longer had those memories to hurt him. He would bear that burden alone.

He took one final look at him, memorising every single inch of his face, wishing the moment would never end. But he had already made a wish, he couldn't ask for another.

"Goodbye." He said aloud, and then ran away, knowing he would never see his love ever again.

* * *

For a fleeting moment, Jackson saw something flash by the window. It looked like someone had been running. He wondered briefly who it could have been and why they were running so fast. But it was just a passing thought. After a few seconds, it was gone.

* * *

"Aaron!" Paddy called out the instant he came through the door. When he was met with silence, he headed quickly up the stairs, calling out again.

"Aaron, I heard what happened," he said as he approached the boy's room, "Why did you run off like that?" He stood outside the door, waiting for a response but got none. He opened the door, knowing Aaron would probably be angry at him for invading his privacy, but it didn't matter at a time like this when Aaron needed him. "It'll be alright, just…" The sight in front of him made him freeze in terror.

The room was empty. Aaron wasn't there and his things were gone. His mind became a panicked mess. He tried desperately to figure out where he could have gone. He had run away once before, but he had come back again. Why had he done it again? He thought that Aaron had been happy living there.

Out the corner of his eye, he saw something and realised there was still something left in the room. A note on the bed. He quickly grabbed it with shaking hands, hoping for some kind of answer. The words broke his heart.

_I'm sorry._

_I can't stay here anymore._

_Please don't try and look for me._

He didn't know how long he stared at the note. He didn't know when the tears started or that they were soaking the paper in his hands. As he sat there on the bed with his head in his hands, the rain falling mercilessly outside, all he was aware of was his despair.

* * *

Night had fallen, the torrential rain was still falling and at long last Hazel had been left alone with her son. All these weeks of waiting and now she didn't even know what to say. She knew she should be happy, and she was, but she couldn't stop thinking about Aaron. He was supposed to be here celebrating with her, making Jackson smile again.

"Mum?" he said, his voice still strained.

"Sweetheart, you don't have to talk if it hurts." She said. Just being able to look at him was enough for her right now.

"What did…they…say?" Each word was a struggle, but she could tell that he wanted to hear the truth.

"The doctor said you're going to be fine." She said, trying her hardest to sound cheerful for him, "It's going to take some time, but you're so strong. I know you can do it."

"Then…you should…cheer up." He smiled up at her, his eyes bright and hopeful. It was amazing, she thought. Even when he couldn't move and could barely talk, he was still looking after her. Still, he would never know the real reason that she was sad.

She smiled back at him, watching him closely as he fell into a peaceful sleep, hiding all of her heartache. She listened to the rain, wondered if Aaron was out there. Once she was certain that Jackson was asleep, she allowed her tears to fall. She had gotten her son back, but Aaron would never have his boyfriend ever again.

* * *

Not far away, on a footbridge passing over railway tracks, Aaron was standing alone and motionless. He didn't care about the freezing wind or the rain that was drenching him. He just stared into the distance. A few miles in that direction was the train crossing. And a little further away was the bar where he and Jackson had their fateful first encounter.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, the thing that had started it all. If he hadn't been stupid enough to drop it, then they would never have gotten so deeply involved with each other. Jackson would never have gone through all that pain.

A noise was approaching from the distance. A train was coming. He could see the light illuminating the rain.

Aaron leant over the rail. There was a long drop between him and the tracks below.

The train was coming closer. He leaned further over the rail, staring at the light, mesmerised. It was seconds away from passing under him. He let go.

The phone hit the tracks just a split second before the train thundered over it, smashing it easily. Aaron watched as it passed below him. In just a few seconds it was gone again and the sound vanished, leaving silence once again. He couldn't see his phone, but knew it lay in pieces on the track.

Now there was no way for anyone to reach him anymore. He'd cut off all ties to his old life.

Running away hadn't worked. Trying to kill himself hadn't worked. So he'd realised that there was only one thing he could do - Make it so that none of them had ever even known him. Deep down in their hearts they must have known that he was responsible for making their lives hard and needlessly complicated.

They would miss him at first, but eventually they would get used to his absence and realise that they were better off without him. Some day they might not even remember him at all, just like Jackson.

Lifting up the bag containing all of his worldly possessions, he left the bridge, heading alone into the night. The only person outside on this cruel night. He didn't feel the cold water soaking through to his skin or the cold that sunk into his bones. He couldn't feel anything over the loneliness in his heart.

Even if everyone did forget him, the memories would always remain in his heart. It would be hard being completely alone in world, but that didn't matter. As long as they could live their lives and be happy, it didn't matter what happened to him.


End file.
